The Lost Art of Remarkable Dialogue

The Society for Organizational Learning (SoL) conducted research with an end goal of bringing back the lost art of dialogue, of conversation, to the workplace. An outcome of this project was the identification of four dynamics within any group -- "movers, opposers, followers and bystanders." In his book Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together, William Issacs notes most workplace conversations are characterized by rigid roles: "by all movers, pushing past one another to champion their views; by disabled bystanders, paralyzed at not being able to bring their voice; or by cowed followers, fearful of offering anything but the meekest agreement to the voices of authority." (xix) As I ponder this, I find it rings pretty true in not only the world of work, but also in the realm of everyday life. I know I've probably played each one of these roles at different points in my life and in different situations. Everyone has some kind of agenda and talking to people has surplanted talking with people. Issacs writes, "Dialogue is about a shared inquiry, a way of thinking and reflecting together. It is not something you do to another person. It is something you do with people." (9)

When did we lose the art of dialogue? Where did it go? Theories, of course, run the gambit from a decrease in leisure time, more stressful jobs, higher demands on our time and a rapid fire onslaught of ubber-caffienated media. I'm sure my buddy Bill Issacs will give me some of his own ideas once I get further into his book. I'm only on page 45 for crying out loud! Until then, I have a few theories of my own. I think dialogue is going by the way of the dinosaur due to our collective shorter attention spans, soundbite culture, instant message mindset. These are the easy answers though. The more difficult notion here is we have morphed into a very "I" centric society. We used to care about eachother much more than we do today. Once, we knew our neighbors, built communities, shared our resources and joined together in good times and bad. We opened our homes to others, invited them in, made a pot of coffee and "visited." I think this is less and less common. Today it is about checking our "to do's" off the list, hitting the drive-thru, scheduled play dates and closed networks. We have insulated ourselves and limited our connections to a small number of immediate family and close friends. What about MySpace and Facebook, you ask? Aren't we even MORE connected today than ever before? Well, yes . . . our online networks may have expanded. We have LinkedIn and Twittered and Flickered it all for the world to see. But, I challenge, that this is not really about dialogue. This is about quick messages, 20 second check-ins and downloads en masse. If it's one thing I'm learning from my buddy Issacs it is this: dialogue takes time, intent, effort and true interaction. This is not to say that we can't achieve a solid conversation via the Internet. I think there are ways to do this. What I'm saying is its just not the same and the medium doesn't necessarily lend itself to doing so. We have to work harder at it and be better just to overcome the inherent barriers in the technology. This blog, for instance, does not encourage a real dialogue. I'm sending my thoughts out into the ether and a few of you may respond, but is that dialogue? Nope.

As of late, I've been considering how to be a better listener. Listening, really listening, is one half of the equation needed to improve dialogue. Someone told me the first step to being a better listener is to first seek to understand and then seek to be understood. This is good advice which I need to put into more intentional use. While I work on that, I'll keep reading my dialogue book. I'm also going to put some thought into what it means to be Remarkable (yes, with a capital "R"). Everyone wants to be Remarkable, live a Remarkable life, meet Remarkable people who push us to be even more Remarkable. Right? Is this even possible? Are we reaching too high, shooting too far? What happens if your life is just so-so? Have you failed? Are you lost? By recognizing and celebrating the beauty of all that is unremarkable, are we actually touching the divinely Remarkable around us? I know . . . lots of questions. Some are kinda boring and, others, possibly obtuse. But, I'm throwing it out there for your consideration and feedback. Dialogue, people! I want me some dialogue!!

If you are looking for some Remarkable fodder, check out www.thinkremarkable.com. Good stuff!

What's got you feeling Remarkable today? Or, to contrast that, what is absolutely NOT Remarkable in your world right now? Here's wishing for some deeper, more meaningful, mind expanding, soul enhancing, remarkable dialogue for all of us.