No More Fear, No More Pain

Don't let fear stand in the way of exploring your full potential. Don't let fear stop you from being happy. This is the message of a recent Stepcase Lifehack article entitled "What Stops Us From Exploring, Developing and Maximizing our Potential?" I agree with a lot of what author Craig Harper has to say here.

Boiling down Harper's points into a single take-away, I came to the conclusion that nothing outside of myself can point to, or otherwise, make me happy. No matter how hard we look, no object and no other person, no external validation, has the power to induce happiness. This can only come from inside ourselves. We decide. Thus, happiness, is in our control. It is the ultimate in self-determination. No matter what life throws at us, regardless of how we were raised, where we went to school, our IQ, the clothes we wear, our sexual orientation, the religious affiliation we subscribe to . . . ugly, beautiful, poor, rich, white, black . . . none of that matters or is directly correlated to real, honest-to-goodness, unadulterated happiness. How liberating.

Of course, some might argue that being blessed with good looks or a sizable bank account may help in the getting happy department. Perhaps. But, I think we have all witnessed enough episodes of Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab or read plenty of front page headlines of troubled trust fund kids to know that all the money and power in the world can only get you so far.

I love this excerpt from Harper's article. I think it says it all:

. . . You can’t change other people but you can change how you behave and react around them. You can’t alter your level of natural ability (potential), but you can determine how much of that ability you tap into, exploit and develop. You can’t change your past but you can change the way you let it influence and impact on your present and your future. That is, you don’t need to be limited by, defined by or determined by your history (as many people are). Your history doesn’t necessarily tell you anything about your potential and is often a poor indicator of what’s possible for your future. If you’re like many, then your achievements – or perhaps lack of achievements – are more a reflection of your fear (to take a chance and get uncomfortable) than they are a reflection of your potential.

And finally, don’t allow your self-limiting, over-thinking, fear-influenced mind to stand between you and happiness. You are good enough, talented enough, courageous enough and definitely worth it.

Now to shift gears ever so slightly . . .
Yesterday, a high school friend of mine, Deb, died. The news was, and continues to be, sad and shocking. Her passing was sudden and she left this earth far too soon. Only 38 years old and seemingly full of life, Deb has left an indelible imprint on me and on so many others. When a death comes so out-of-the-blue, it sends waves of anger, regret, despondency and confusion. Like a tsunami, these emotions crash into and onto your soul. The question is always "why?" Why her? Who now? Why this? There are never any satisfying answers. Absolutely none.

While I had lost touch with Deb over the years, we had, in the last few years, re-connected via Facebook. I don't know everything about her life, but in our brief communication, I surmised that she had dealt with a lot and battled some demons both all too real and quite possibly, even some, imagined. Deb faced pain in more ways then one and, perhaps, sought relief to abate and numb some of the pain she felt. Luckily, she had someone -- her life partner Linda -- by her side who brought her joy and comfort. Although I never met Linda, it is apparent from all I've seen and read that she and Deb shared a life and a strong love. But, this is where my Harper's article and the tragic loss of my friend Deb connect for me. Although I cannot even begin to claim any true knowledge or understanding of how my friend felt, I do believe that the hurt she experienced contributed to her passing and no objects or people, no matter how beloved, could bandage the wounds which cut so deep. And this, I feel, is the single and most significant tragedy of them all.

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

Wherever you rest tonight Deb, I hope peace and comfort and true happiness have found you and lay beside you as you sleep. You will not be forgotten. You will be missed.