April Fool's Horoscope

A long time ago, in a weak moment, I must have signed up for a daily horoscope service. Ever since, I've gotten an email each day foretelling how I should think, act and feel in that 24 hour period. Mostly I ignore these messages and delete without opening. There is just so much junk mail a person can handle in a single sitting. Delete is my friend. Plus, I like to roll the dice. Livin la vida loca, baby. But, once in a while I play a little game with myself. I see the horoscope flashing brightly in my inbox but choose not to read it UNTIL the next day. That's right . . . I throw caution to the wind, live my life and THEN read about what I SHOULD have done. Thumbing my nose at the Fates, I blindly choose free will over, well, cheesy predictions.

Here was my horoscope for yesterday:

Your horoscope for April 1, 2009 Friends, neighbors and relatives could be feeling especially stressed out and explosive today, so this is not a good day to initiate intense communications with them. Keep your conversations with others light and inconsequential. This is a great day to stay home and read, especially since your mind is particularly receptive to unusual ideas. The Internet, as well as videos and TV documentaries could be most informative.

Whew. Good think I did not initiate any intense communications yesterday, right? I wonder if this horoscope meant to say "You could be feeling especially stressed out and explosive today?" Cuz I was all angst-ridden and crab-a-licious yesterday. Unfortunately, I did not watch any videos or TV documentaries which, apparently, could have helped me regain my calm composure. Videos and the World Wide Web (Ted Stevens says it's a series of tubes, ahem) might have sparked "unusual thoughts." Hmmmmm. Would these unusual thoughts been happy thoughts or angry, depressing thoughts? The vague use of the word "unusual" seems to be a huge ass cop out on the part of the horoscope writer. "Unusual" could be good or bad, no? I wonder if watching a documentary about government endorsed torture programs or global warming or serial killers would have calmed the apparent stress eminating from the friends, family and neighbors surrounding me?

Also, I think this horoscope needs to be a little more specific when it endorses videos. I mean, I could have hopped online and watched the Chocolate Rain dude on YouTube over and over again. Would my horoscope knowingly recommend such activities? Not if my horoscope really cared about me, it wouldn't.