Blatent Re-Post of Some Funny Stuff

My sister's blog is HILARIOUS! Many of her posts leave me rolling on the floor in gut-bending laughter. I find myself going back to re-read them when I need a moment of humor. Anyway, this last one was so funny, I wanted to re-post here and share with those of you who don't have access to it. Here ya go. Enjoy!

Oh and sister, I hope this doesn't violate any infringement, copy write type laws or anything. Please don't sue me. Thanks.
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This is my letter to the Sam's Club sample lady who confronted me this weekend OR, as I would like to call it, What I Should Have Said, part one.

Dear Sam's Club Sample Lady,

I was shopping in your store this past weekend. Perhaps you remember me, I was the girl pushing the cart, knoshing on the previous sample lady's goods (chicken salad on a whole wheat cracker) when I rolled up to your table and was reading the sign on the front of your cart when you looked up at me and said, "Why don't you chew and swallow what you have in your mouth now before you start taking something from my table." You said it with a sneer of disgust, as I recall. Remember me? I would hope so. I would hope that this little phrase isn't something that you say to all of the Sam's Club shoppers. Perhaps the fact that I looked horrified is enough to jog your memory.

Well, I've got a few things to say to you. First, I'm certain it did not occur to you that I had gotten up early that morning, drove nearly 4 hours and golfed nine holes before I got to Sam's Club to run a few quick errands so I could get home as soon as possible in order to do more chores that I had neglected over the weekend - thus, I didn't have time to stop and eat for most of the day? I don't suppose it mattered to you that I was famished.

I don't suppose it occurred to you that I was merely reading the advertisement in order to discover what strange breaded meat you were, in fact, slicing while I chewed the previous sample and that I had no intention of partaking of said breaded cod strips covered with some weird ketchup based sauce.

Frankly, neither of the above really matter. What matters is that you were hired to do a job....a very simple job, hand out food to would-be purchasers. Yeah, that is right, Blue Hair, I'm talking about you. I'm pointing out that in order to do your job, you don't need a high school degree or college degree. You don't even have to know how to read or write. All you have to know is cut, place on napkin, serve and smile. That is it. I believe it is a fair statement that you aren't even capable of that. You JUST couldn't help yourself, could you? You had to comment. You had to blather on as though anyone with a brain in their head gives a rat's ass what you think. You had to turn some screw - maybe the one that was formerly lodged in your cold, dead heart? Well, I got news for you, Raisin, nobody wants to buy fishsticks from stuck up grannies who don't have enough sense to keep their shitty comments to themselves. If I wasn't such a nice person, I would have gotten medieval on your old, wrinkled ass.

And further, the girth of your behind leads me to believe that you, also, should walk away from the table every once in awhile when your mouth is still full. After all, one who lives in a glass house, should not throw stones.