Patience Is A Virtue . . . Can I Get Some Please?

Before we dive into new topics, let's do a quick update on some old ones:

1) Jillian and I haven't been spending much time together and I am not "shredding." I know. I know. I'm weak.

2) Saw the X-Files movie. It was so, so. Kinda like watching an episode of the television show, but instead of one hour with commercials, you get two hours and no commercials (and movie theater popcorn if you so choose). Any die-hard X-Files fan should see it -- and probably already has. Anyone who is in the mood to see yummy David Duchovney should see it. Anyone else might want to wait until it comes out on DVD.

3) The purse is working out well. Still lovin it. Still realize that I'm a slave to my consumer urgings. Again, I'm weak.

So, now onto the topic du jour. Through the course of my years on the planet and some trials, tribulations and soul searching I have come to realize that I am not a patient person. I believe I fool people into perceiving me to be patient, but inside, I'm really not. My lack of patience often comes through in the area of household maintenance. I can only tolerate a modest amount of mess and clutter and then I go completely berzerk. I like things neat, orderly, clutter-free and smelling like fresh cut lavender or a vanilla bean or white linen or whatever other harmonious scents are offered by Fabreeze and the Glade family of air freshening plug-ins. Lately, Mr. Oz and I have (well, mostly me) have been on a kick to de-clutter our pad in the attempt to get it ready to put on the market and sell. We started doing this and, I must say, made some headway. But, after we realized that we would need to come up with a mere $25K to cover the loss on our current place and then make a downpayment, pay fees, closing costs, etc. for a new place, well . . . our dreams of new home ownership went bye-bye. I view this as a temporary set back. Minor inconvenience. The real estate market being what it is right now, it is probably for the best that we stay put, pay down on our principle and keep looking. As you can imagine, this revelation has put our efforts to de-clutter in a hold pattern. Once again, I'm starting to go berzerk. We have crap everywhere. I feel claustrophobic, on edge and disheveled.

A friend suggested that we make the best of it by making some cosmetic updates to the place. You know, throw on a fresh coat of paint in some lighter, brighter, happy color. Maybe get a new sofa. Stuff like that. I like this idea. I do think I need to do something in order to get myself to the point where I don't feel stagnant and miserable . . . oh and berzerk. Must eliminate the berzerk. I'm considering my options and will consult back with all of you at a later date on this possible foray into home decorating. I wish I could on one of those shows where a team of highly skilled professionals swoop in and redesign your space for like $500 or something. That would be awesome. Where is Nate Berkus when you need him? Nate!! I need you. Please get her soon. I'm going berzerk.

Another area where my patience evaporates is when Mr. Oz's eyes start to bother him. You see, Mr. Oz has this eye condition called Keratoconus. It is a degenerative malady which causes all kinds of issues for him -- sensitivity to light, blurred vision, etc. He has to wear this rigid contacts to help him see and like any chronic condition he has good days and he has bad days. You can never really predicate the bad days and it is a real bummer when his eyes start to bother him. His eyes get all red and puffy. He starts tearing up. They become dry and itchy and he rubs and scratches which doesn't help because then it just gets more and more irritated. He can't see and he is completely and utterly miserable. Now, I don't want you to think that I'm cruel and heartless. I feel for Mr. Oz and I try to help but there is really not much to be done. When this flare-up strikes, the only real remedy is to take out the contact lenses, close his eyes and try to ride it out.

Last night he had an attack where all of the symptoms I describe came out in full force. Unfortunately, we were at a party. I had been looking forward to this event all week and was excited to spend time hanging out with friends. We had just finished eating dinner when it became obvious that Mr. Oz was not doing so well. He needed to go home and take care of his eyes. Sigh. He suggested that I grab a ride home with one of the other guests and he drive himself home. While that was a sweet offer, he could barely see. His eyes were blood red and there was no way I would feel good about sending him on his merry way to drive 20+ miles back home in that state. No. We had to leave. He felt bad. I was miffed and not very nice. I was angry with him, but not really . . . . I just hate his eyes and the stupid disease. It wasn't his fault and he is not to be blamed for ruining the evening, but you can see how, in the moment, all those things fall by the wayside and my impatience came out.

We made it home and by the time we pulled up in the drive I was mostly over my initial annoyance at the situation and at him. In dealing with this condition I have grown a new found respect for those who take care of loved ones through debilitating and chronic illness. It can't be easy. Thankfully, Mr. Oz hasn't yet hit the point when the only course of action is a corneal transplant. That day may come as it is currently the only next course of treatment for him. Scary. I consider this and worry about what could go wrong. How will he be affected? How will our lives be affected? No matter how much you love someone, dealing with and making the best of these types of challenges is, well, challenging.

I'm a believer in the adage that God only gives you as much as you can handle. You can think about people who have gone through unspeakable tragedy and pain and ask yourself, what kind of God would allow this and at what point can one person just not handle it? I'm not claiming to be even close to that. No way. Not be a long shot. I'm super lucky and know it. But, I think the adage is a little off and a wee bit misleading. I don't think there is some omnipotent, omnipresent being who doles out punishments from on high for the purpose of "giving us what we can handle." Nope. Instead, it seems to me that God knows our weak areas and those things that we most need to work on. God sees this and places opportunities in our path to help us recognize and overcome these frailties. Sometimes there are big things. Sometimes there are small. On that same note, I think everyone who comes into our lives is someone we are supposed to learn from. They are there to help us discover something about who we are, why we are here and what we can achieve and overcome.

I do think that, for me, I need to work on my patience and this is one thing that God is trying to teach me and help me with. Now, I'm not saying that Mr. Oz came into my life to teach me patience and living with him is my "punishment" to do that. Mr. Oz is one of those people who came into my life as a compliment to reinforce those areas that I may struggle in. He's in my life to teach me and make me better. So, in a way, he's like my own little sliver of God. I like to think that I am his too. We aren't manifestations of God's "tests" to one another. We are like angels sent to one another to help us through and see the beauty of life that surrounds us.

When you boil it all down, I guess what this all means is I can blame God for the old magazines, dirty dishes and piles of crap everywhere in my house. Thanks a lot God! Maybe at some point in the not-to-distant future God will see my need to deal with winning the lottery as something I need to work on.

I know this was a long entry and my waxing philosophical and spirtual may be a bit too much to handle. I promise to go back to my entries on liquor and handbags soon enough. :)