I want an alter ego. Beyonce has Sasha Fierce. Sasha is Beyonce's stage persona when she wants to get all crazy and aggressive. Offstage, Beyonce is mild mannered and sweet. Onstage, Sasha is a bat out of hell. Sasha wears a titanium glove on one hand. It is very robotic. It is fierce. I want to be fierce. I want a titanium glove for my hand so people stare and wonder if I'm part machine because I'm so damn fierce. When I'm at work, I could be fierce. When I'm at home, not fierce. I like it.
Remember Garth Brook's alter ego, Chris Gaines? Chris Gaines was Garth's alternative rocker side. According to his 'fictional biography' Christian Gaines was born 10 August 1967, dropped out of high school to form a band called Crush, remained dormant for several years after the death of the band's lead singer, released his first solo album, Straight Jacket, won four Grammys, was involved in a serious car accident in 1992, had numerous plastic surgeries and remained reclusive until the release of his last studio album Triangle in 1996.
WTF?!?
Why is it that only celebrities can have alter egos? When non-celebrities adopt alternate personalities, they are labeled schizophrenic, psychologically unstable and just plain old coo koo. Right? Yet, for celebs its just another day at the office. Enough. I'm not having it anymore. From now on, everybody gets another personality. There will be no ridicule, no scorn, no interventions and trips to see the doctor to procure brain softening medicines. If you want to be a robot handed, laser-pointer obsessed, slicked back hair, super freak with a ninja complex . . . go for it! Whatever floats your boat I say. As for me, I'm still working through the details of my alter ego. The fictional biography is in process. Where was my alter ego born? What were my fictional parents like? How did I become who I am today? Tough stuff creating a totally new person who is me, but really isn't me.
I can tell you one thing. My alter ego does not do dishes, she doesn't clean toilets or do laundry or any of that domestic caretaking. She stays up all night, hangs with the wrong crowd, never plans. She doesn't feel guilt or worry. She's fearless. She's bad ass.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I'm Back
It's been a long time since I wrote anything here. Not going to do a laundry list of reasons. No excuses. I've received some hate mail and threats (you know who you are!). My brother says that everyday I don't blog, the terrorists win. Dammit. I didn't know my blog posts were a vital part of keeping America safe and our freedoms intact. If only someone would have told me sooner I may have been able to stop some of the atrocities our nation has faced in the recent years. Or . . . maybe not. I mean, could I really have stopped George Bush from being elected president all by myself? Probably not.
I guess I just haven't felt inspired. My Mojo went on hiatus. As I reflect upon the lack of muse, I come to the conclusion that I've been feeling a bit complacent these days. This, compounded with new puppy frenzy in the household, is keeping me from rambling on and on and on here.
So, I'll start with some puppy photos and stories. We'll take it from there.
We picked little Ozymandias up from Brian's Bostons on Friday, May 22. It was a perfect day for a road trip through Wisconsin. Our little baby boy Boston greeted us happily at the door, tearing across the living room carpet, plopping down a stair and skidding across the hard wood floor. He immediately gave us wet, puppy licks and kisses. So cute! We fell in love instantly. He had us at hello. The 4+ hour ride back home was a little rough at first. Ozy wanted to climb up and around everything, look out the windows and wriggle around. Once I realized this was not going to work, in his little doggy crate condo he went. From there on out it was smooth napping.
It's been almost three weeks since we got the little guy. Our days have been filled with potty training -- going poopy outside = unbridled enthusiasm and peanut butter flavored liver treats. YUM! We also manage to fit in some play time, food time, cuddle time and nap time. Mostly Ozy likes to chew on things. He LOVES shoes, my hair, our hands and feet, shirts, pants (any clothing really), bags. You name it, he'll chew it. Little did I realize . . . new puppies have razor sharp, piranha teeth. Ouch. I'm trying to channel my inner Cesar Milan, be the pack leader and stop the naughty chewing. So far, my efforts are somewhat weak. Mr. Oz is definitely the pack leader and I'm a mere lackey to his authority. Little Ozy knows this and plays upon my weakness. Sigh. No respect.
So, the puppy is growing like a weed and happy as a lark. Unless, of course, you try to stop him from enjoying a biting frenzy. Then he barks and huffs and goes ballistic. Tough life being a pampered pooch.
The other day I was listening to my XM radio in my car ride home from work. Some talk show was offering self-help advice and one of the topics stuck me right in the ribs. The host asked one of the callers what new thing they had learned that day. A day without learning something new, she said, is a day without food or water. Hmmmm. This made me consider how many teaching moments I encounter each day and I simply don't take the time or attention to notice. I decided to take a few moments at the end of each day to ask myself the simple question: what did I learn today?
I've definitely been learning a lot about puppies. There is all kinds of behavioral psychology going on when trying to train an animal. We are getting a lot further with the positive reinforcement of the good behavior than the negative impunity with the bad behavior. Love trumps anger. I am learning to set aside my frustrations when Ozy has an accident in the house, or chews something that he shouldn't. He's just a puppy and doesn't know any better. His instinct is to bite stuff. He doesn't know how or why he should warn me when he needs to go potty. Patience is a virtue. I'm trying. We are learning a lot about each other, Ozy and I.
Today I learned a soft voice and even temper are more likely to be heard than a loud, blaring siren. I learned to take a breath before proceeding, to look before I leap, to relish the joy which combusts when kids and puppies meet. I learned to give the benefit of the doubt and a large coffee in the morning won't always cure a case of the tireds. I learned to stay out of the way of someone when they are obviously having a bad day. Oh yeah, and I learned that my blog posts are a weapon in the war on terror. I'm a patriot dammit. Go USA!
I guess I just haven't felt inspired. My Mojo went on hiatus. As I reflect upon the lack of muse, I come to the conclusion that I've been feeling a bit complacent these days. This, compounded with new puppy frenzy in the household, is keeping me from rambling on and on and on here.
So, I'll start with some puppy photos and stories. We'll take it from there.
We picked little Ozymandias up from Brian's Bostons on Friday, May 22. It was a perfect day for a road trip through Wisconsin. Our little baby boy Boston greeted us happily at the door, tearing across the living room carpet, plopping down a stair and skidding across the hard wood floor. He immediately gave us wet, puppy licks and kisses. So cute! We fell in love instantly. He had us at hello. The 4+ hour ride back home was a little rough at first. Ozy wanted to climb up and around everything, look out the windows and wriggle around. Once I realized this was not going to work, in his little doggy crate condo he went. From there on out it was smooth napping.
It's been almost three weeks since we got the little guy. Our days have been filled with potty training -- going poopy outside = unbridled enthusiasm and peanut butter flavored liver treats. YUM! We also manage to fit in some play time, food time, cuddle time and nap time. Mostly Ozy likes to chew on things. He LOVES shoes, my hair, our hands and feet, shirts, pants (any clothing really), bags. You name it, he'll chew it. Little did I realize . . . new puppies have razor sharp, piranha teeth. Ouch. I'm trying to channel my inner Cesar Milan, be the pack leader and stop the naughty chewing. So far, my efforts are somewhat weak. Mr. Oz is definitely the pack leader and I'm a mere lackey to his authority. Little Ozy knows this and plays upon my weakness. Sigh. No respect.
So, the puppy is growing like a weed and happy as a lark. Unless, of course, you try to stop him from enjoying a biting frenzy. Then he barks and huffs and goes ballistic. Tough life being a pampered pooch.
The other day I was listening to my XM radio in my car ride home from work. Some talk show was offering self-help advice and one of the topics stuck me right in the ribs. The host asked one of the callers what new thing they had learned that day. A day without learning something new, she said, is a day without food or water. Hmmmm. This made me consider how many teaching moments I encounter each day and I simply don't take the time or attention to notice. I decided to take a few moments at the end of each day to ask myself the simple question: what did I learn today?
I've definitely been learning a lot about puppies. There is all kinds of behavioral psychology going on when trying to train an animal. We are getting a lot further with the positive reinforcement of the good behavior than the negative impunity with the bad behavior. Love trumps anger. I am learning to set aside my frustrations when Ozy has an accident in the house, or chews something that he shouldn't. He's just a puppy and doesn't know any better. His instinct is to bite stuff. He doesn't know how or why he should warn me when he needs to go potty. Patience is a virtue. I'm trying. We are learning a lot about each other, Ozy and I.
Today I learned a soft voice and even temper are more likely to be heard than a loud, blaring siren. I learned to take a breath before proceeding, to look before I leap, to relish the joy which combusts when kids and puppies meet. I learned to give the benefit of the doubt and a large coffee in the morning won't always cure a case of the tireds. I learned to stay out of the way of someone when they are obviously having a bad day. Oh yeah, and I learned that my blog posts are a weapon in the war on terror. I'm a patriot dammit. Go USA!
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